went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Less talking, more tequila
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
