you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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