Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
