You just made me feel so damn special
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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