I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
