Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
