I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
