First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
