Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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