he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
