flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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