I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
