I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
