I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
