this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
