I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
