fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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