I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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