I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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