I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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