I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
