Got a toothbrush?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
