There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
