I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
