The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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