after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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