I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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