It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
