if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
