TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
