youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
