...so i touched it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
