I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
