I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
