did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
