Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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