I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
