so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
