and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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