if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
