if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
