I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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