how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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