It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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