she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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