The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just invented taco cereal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
