i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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