I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
