I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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