The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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